quick rant

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20
Feb 10

Still Waiting

I went to the museum today. I think I should be able to take a puppy to the museum. Glad you asked, there are two primary reasons. 1. having a puppy would be a great way to approach the overwhelming number of seemingly single women at the museum. Of course, the second I go to the museum with the express purpose of trying to meet women, the place will no doubt look like a ponytail and goatee convention. It will look nothing like today, when I was trying to get my 14-year-old niece stoked on stuff she couldn’t care less about. 2. having a puppy would spruce up the less than exciting moments at the museum. Seriously impressionism, get your shit together.

I also pondered one of life’s greatest mysteries whilst traipsing around the city: do you buy the yellow car because you’ve got the questionable facial hair, or do you grow the questionable facial hair once you purchase the yellow car? Indeed.

quick rant / things that bother me that probably shouldn't / work — No Comments
4
Feb 10

Someone Honestly Just Asked Me

“Greg, do you file taxes?”

Holy fuck. I gotta get a new job.

Sweet mother of god, this same person just walked into the office with roach coach chinese. It smells like someone dumped ammonia into a bucket, put a gout-ridden foot into the bucket, peed on that and finally dumped some general tso’s in. Imma throw up.

quick rant / rant / things that bother me that probably shouldn't / work — 2 Comments
21
Jan 10

A Quick Rant

So, I get to work with some interesting people. Most of them are strong evidence in the case against natural selection. Frankly if such a thing existed, most of them wouldn’t have survived beyond their teens. One of my favorites, and a shining example of all things wonderful about my workplace, is a spunky gal who goes by the self-ascribed nickname of Bootsy*.

She stole my heart when she threw a party a couple years ago. The party flier was a thing of beauty. It featured sexy glamour shots of the host and asked attendees to bring “donations”. The donations part is funny because this wasn’t a fundraiser. Well, it wasn’t a fundraiser for anything other than Bootsy. I can’t really express how awesome this flier was. I should have scanned it and started a web site devoted to this flier. I should have gotten it airbrushed onto a license plate for the car I don’t own and gotten it tattooed on my ass. It was that good.

I’m writing about Bootsy today because one of my favorite quotes from her is the following:

“Oh, I am a personal trainer. I do it out of my house.”

Now, I guess I should mention that Bootsy is a good 20 pounds over weight. And not 20 pounds over some crazy bullshit ideal of a rail-thin woman. She’s 20 pounds over what a healthy person of her age should probably weigh. Also, as a personal trainer, she makes some interesting food choices. Today, I watched her make a tuna salad (I could smell the spackle of mayonnaise) sandwich on Wonderbread. This thing was piled high with arterie clogging goodness. I guess that wouldn’t have been so bad, but 20 minutes later when I went back into the lunch room she was preparing another vile sandwich.

Bootsy, my hat is off to you, your flier and your misguided thoughts on health and nutrition.

*I changed this just a bit for obvious reasons, and because I’m not 100% sure what the actual nickname is.